NOTE: I had hoped to put to and to the chapter of my life called the 'unemployment period", I really had. I you have read previous chapters of this story, then you will be familiar wit the mental, spiritual and psychological ride that it was as I struggled to find work. Ten months went by, in agony, suffering and worry, then I found a job, there was brief period, if not of joy, but of relief, that we were once again a two income trying to make ends meet like the rest of America.
"She is cruel, laughs at you when you are naked [depressed, dejected] , but you keep coming back for more, and more! Why? [because we NEED jobs] Because she is the only prostitute I can afford. [we often have to take what we can get, not what we like].
Alright, then where does this newest chapter start.
DATELINE: FALL 2010 - I am working. Things are well, I am comfortable in my new job working in the security/and fire protection industry. Over the first few months of the fall I rode along with several techs, getting trained in all elements of the job. In man, many ways this was as awesome new challenge. Through this job I was able to go places most of Toledo gets to see.. .Views of the city from atop the scrubbers at BP, seeing the sun rise and set from the top of 4 Seagate. watching storms roll in and through from the top of Hotels etc. Even the 'dusty-days' which were spent checking units on dusty duct detectors, above ceilings and in steel processing plants. Always, no matter what the job, I knew the day would almost always end around 5 P.M. and the wife and I could ride home, and end the day with an evening with the kid. By December, the weather was freezing, some outdoor jobs were uncomfortable, but we were always busy. I was making money again, feeling good about my self, less suicidal... I know it sounds dumb but I LOVE it when the snow arrives, it allow me to forget much of the 'grownup-stuff' and be a kid again...even for a moment or two. The Holidays passed, the winter got colder and it was about that time that I noticed changes in my body - to make it short here (you can see my other blog @ www.secondbattle.blogspot.com) if you want to follow that sag) I had developed colon cancer.
DATELINE JANUARY 20211 - an excerpt from my graphic novel ['Chemo-Radiation Man'] -- kinds of puts in perspective where my head was at the time;
"Once inside the room, the doctor spoke. "Reg, please have a seat."
After they had both settled, Reg in the patient chair. Warfel on the squeaky exam stool. The doctor opened the chart.
Silently he flipped several pages.
Reg, could tell this man never played poker, he could read his face before he spoke.
"The tests show conclusively that you have colon cancer. Stage II." the doctor, looked at Reg, did what he was trained to do - wait for a moment for the patient to absorb the news. He noticed Reg struggling to breathe normally.
"What?...What?... You said.... Cancer?" Reg stood, he wanted to pace, to catch his breath, to regain his composure, but there was simply no space for it in the small exam room.
The doctor went on, "Yes. Stage II colon cancer. You will need surgery, chemotherapy and radiation." more pages flipped, the doctor again trying to let the news sink in.
"We should schedule surgery and put together a plan....." the doctor couldn't finish his sentence because he saw Reg, slump against the wall and slide down to the floor, having trouble breathing.
The last thing Reg heard was, "Chemotherapy and Radiation" then his world went dark, he felt himself trying to hold himself up, but his legs gave out, then darkness.
The charcter Reg, is (Mostly based on my experiences) finds it a growing difficult balancing his hob, his life and his health.
Returning to my current situation, back in March 'I' was the one asking to "see my boss in HIS office" - kind of a turn around.
It was time to tell them that, despite having ben there only 5 months I was going to require 3 - 4 months off of work to deal with surgery, recovery and treatment. To be perfectly honest, I was fully expecting them to say, "Well, then, Mr. Lightfoot. Thanks for your services, turn in you uniform, id's tools, and badge. We hope things go well and good by...." Well, I could not have been more surprised and relieved (especially in this economy) when he said, "Wow, that will be a tough one. We want you to get healthy so you can go back to works soon." I was now confused -- not at all what I expected. Then, he followed up with, "Well, [tap-tap on his keyboard - I was STILL thinking he was looking at ways to get rid of me!] I see hear, you only have 1 vacation day built up, and unfortunately we cannot PAY you while you are off, but your JOB will be here when you can return to work. Good luck and keep us posted on your conditioned.
I walked out of this bosses office with a deferent type of confusion than when I walked out the doors to TSA. I was relived that I had a place to come back to when I was ready.
* NOTE: As an editorial note...and a critical point to those who may not have read my other posts, I MUST at this point mention the overly generous and outstanding support that my family and I received both during my 10 months of job hunting, then followed by another 6 months of support while I had surgery, radiation and now chemo. It is in no small measure that due to the continual love support (and occassional -ass kicking) that I am even here writing this, when it would have been so easy to go 'Kurt Cobain' on myself, or Jim Morrison (glad I can't afford whiskey and pills). I just had to remind people that whether your situation is losing a job, or dealing with a major illness, or losing a spouse or a business, it IS fucking difficult to stand back up, but as corny as it sounds if you let those closest to you know what is going on, and (here is the kicker) YOU must be WILLING to LET GO and LET THEM HELP YOU !!! For me this has always been the hardest part. I am learning.
DATELINE: SPRING 2011 - March 4th was the day the Surgeons in Cleveland Clinic opened me up, pluck out my cancerous colon, rectum...and uhhh anus, and sealed up the old 'Poop-Chute', 'Fart-Factory', 'Prairie Dog-hole',etc, etc,...TRUST ME I have heard them all by now. My stay in Cleveland last about 10 days more than I expected (but just as long as the doctors told me it was. ) I will sum up my time in Cleveland by saying it is not something i want to do again, and I was glad I was home again.
Once I got home and began recovery I ventured back into my office, just a quick hello (with my stupid wound-vac gurrgling like some kind of demented coffee pot or ephasemic wheasle on my hip) I told them I would be reqady to go soon... You don't know how reassuring it was to hear the words, "Your job is here. Just bring in a doctors clearance form and you can get back to wokr." I tried skipping out the door like the dude in the 'Saftey Dance' (google them if you're under 30) -- that was a mistake...many, many parts of my abdominal anatomy screamed at me, 'Jeezus you IDIOT!!! You want to go back to the hospital?'
DATELINE: MAY 2011 - April and May were spent doing three things, Radiation treatments (2 x per day), would vac, dressing and undressing, walking the neighborhood getting my strength back and most importantly for my JOB I was studying the 300 page manual on Fire Alarm Systems so I could get certified when I went back to work. I WAS NOT about to lose THIS job because I was not properly certified!!!! So, by the end of the month I had rid myself of the would vac (I was CERTAIN it would be permanent), I had passed my TEST!!!!! YEAH!!! ON the FIRST TRY - SO THERE - 'She-who-shall-not-be-named'!!!!! Ad I returned to work as part of the Fire Testing Division and off I went into the heat of the summer, learning another aspect of our company's business.
The summer went by, swimming in sweat - not a pool - spraying fake smoke, canned air, pushing reset buttons and setting off alarms...all in all, a lot of walking and considerable paperwork but not too bad -- compared other hobs I have had - like Digital Dish!
DATELINE: FALL 2011 - With fall, comes school, companies scaling back production, or if they are lucky cranking things up for the holiday sales season, and I have discovered that our business is almost as seasonal as farming. Our testing jobs depend on facility schedules; we can test schools (some that aren't doing massive refits) we can test factories and warehouses (same things apply), and a host of other clients during the summer. Then once people turn their calendars to August, the axe seems to fall on testing projects. I found my self with one, two or even no jobs to do -- mowing the grass, spraying weed killer, trimming shrubs. I appreciated the companty trying to get me my 40 ours, but that kind of work is for the teen agers who don't know much a bout 'man-work' NOT for us 'older guys' with arthritis in the knees and undergoing cancer treatment.
After about a month of this I noticed that my training partner had mostly full days all the time (seniority & his Michigan Testing license help him out, I guess) and I even overheard our boss telling our scheduler, "You gotta keep Wilbur's (not his real name) schedule full first before Lightfoots." He has been there for like 12 years, so I get that. So, I started keeping an eye on the master schedule (we schedule jobs 3-4 week in advance) and noticed HUGE gaps on MY calendar for late October and early November....Plus I heard rumors that guys in our other divisions were being sent home early too - which made me feel a bit better, because I was wondering if all my Med bills had the Insurance company pushing them to get rid of me (????).
DATELINE: OCTOBER 24th 2011 - It was a sunny Monday morning, the smell of the overnight rain and the gas fumes of early morning works going to work or to home. We all left the house, dropped Malcom at school then Cheryl did the cross town triffic drive, and dropped me off as usual.
I go into the office, make coffee...being the first one there I get to make the coffee the way it is SUPPOSED to be made. I hangup my coat check my calender--- EXCITING!!!! I have 4 jobs Today, Two on Tuesday, and Three on Wednesday and One on Thursday.. I have ChemoDay on Friday....so I am thinking.... "Thank GOD I have real, acutal WORK this week!!! "Makin' money boyeeeee!" SO, I go out and get my job files for the day, check them over make sure I know what I need to do for the day and as I am ready to go, I have my files, lunchbox, tool kit, company hat and coat... keys...phone...Ready to rock and roll for the day, when my boss --- from across the room no less, says,"Lightfoot, Can I see you in my office." -- I hear that from ANYONE and I get the same pee-fear thaqt I did when I was little and was going to get helled. So, go to my desk deposit all my stuff and return to his office, I am invited to sit down - not offered coffee...maybe this is just a quick thing about a cllent or something? - And then come the "SIGH", followed by the "EXECUTIVE-LEAN-BACK" in the leather chair, followed by the "PAUSE" where he looks you in the eye, like a Black Haired Sauruman. He delivers the news...."Scott, this is the hardest part of my job. The part I hate the most." Pause for drama...and for me to further wet my pants. "We simly don't have enough business to support two technicians in our Fire Testing Department...." Pause while I think he expects to see tears rolling down my face (trust me they are there...but NOT for him).
So in the ensuing 10 minutes or so, we discuss things: No, they are not upsets with my performance, infact they thing I am doing a GREAT job, No, they cannot shift me back to the commercial division because they already have enough people, the same for the residential division....just simply not enough work to keep me around. I ask a bout a possible pay cut, NO. I ask about going part time, NO...So, no luck, other than a firm hand shake and the knowledge that when business does pick up (2 days? 2 weeks.? 2 years?) they do have qood rep for hiring back past employes...So who knows.
There it is, unemployed again. It took me about an hour to clear my van and desk area of my tools and clohtes and knick-nacks from my desk - they were just getting the dustring of employment longevity around them too - I packed up my stuff in Cheryl's car, tried to text her with the news...she didn't answer so I sat there in the parking lot, crying like a baby, wondering, once again, how long it will take me to find my next job.
Two pieces of advice to all of you STILL working.... 1) Keep your resume updated, keep your contacts fresh and 2) EXPECT that you will be invited to "Come in to the office..." for the 'chat' BE PREPARED...
This new job was peripherally similar to my old job, and once the training was through and I had reached the stage where I could be a 'Field-Agent' things went fairly well. Then as often happens after the glow and disintegration of the training wheels come of, the ugly realities of the job stand up and suddenly your realize that for a host of reasons, the job is not for you. So for the first time in my working career, 'I' was the one who was quitting ---- I am not good at quitting, it does not settle well with me. Howeve, I saw that the nature of the job I had, would have probably killed me some time in middle of the winter! I foresaw a home owner finding me frozen solid to their satelite tower, or find my froze crushed legs poking out from under a trailer or crawlspace -- good honest work -- for someone 20 years older than me, and not married, and with no kids...and oh, seemingly it was an unwritten rule that you had be a pack a day smoker.... So, not for me.
As I was moaning (go figure) about my plight and fearing slogging through snow with tools and a 30' ladder, my wife suggested that I apply at a company near her office that seemed to always have a 'We're Hiring Technicians' sign out. So, one Friday when I finished rarely early from my current job, I filled in and application and thought I'd never hear from them -after all until I got the Dish job I had applied to over 200 firms in 10 months. Alas, the following Monday, I got a call for an interview on Wednsday and was offered the job on Wednesday --- "Holly, Toledo! Batman!" I thought, that was too easy! I should have done that earlier. With great excitement at the prospect of regular 40 hour weeks, no weekeneds, no expected overtime, close proximity from my wifes work, and a descent but not great salary (better than the nothing I had coming in at that time*). I thought I was set'
Free of the finger-pain and strange management of the Dish Poeple (movie possibility), and I was thinking I had finally found a job that would last at LEAST as long a my job at Toledo School For The Arts, and would offer the chance for me to help get my family out of the holes we had been digging while I was not working (remember too that my previous employer the first time around screwed me out of ANY unemployment). But, ahhhh Grasshopper, the universe was not done lobbing wads of monkey crap at me..
There is a quote from the Movie "Balls of Fury" that makes me think of the whole cycle of jobs an unemployment.... and it makes me laugh in spite of my situation.
"Ping Pong [job hunting]... is not the macarena. It takes patience. She [the job market] is like a fine, well-aged prostitute... it takes years to learn her tricks.
"She is cruel, laughs at you when you are naked [depressed, dejected] , but you keep coming back for more, and more! Why? [because we NEED jobs] Because she is the only prostitute I can afford. [we often have to take what we can get, not what we like].
Alright, then where does this newest chapter start.
DATELINE: FALL 2010 - I am working. Things are well, I am comfortable in my new job working in the security/and fire protection industry. Over the first few months of the fall I rode along with several techs, getting trained in all elements of the job. In man, many ways this was as awesome new challenge. Through this job I was able to go places most of Toledo gets to see.. .Views of the city from atop the scrubbers at BP, seeing the sun rise and set from the top of 4 Seagate. watching storms roll in and through from the top of Hotels etc. Even the 'dusty-days' which were spent checking units on dusty duct detectors, above ceilings and in steel processing plants. Always, no matter what the job, I knew the day would almost always end around 5 P.M. and the wife and I could ride home, and end the day with an evening with the kid. By December, the weather was freezing, some outdoor jobs were uncomfortable, but we were always busy. I was making money again, feeling good about my self, less suicidal... I know it sounds dumb but I LOVE it when the snow arrives, it allow me to forget much of the 'grownup-stuff' and be a kid again...even for a moment or two. The Holidays passed, the winter got colder and it was about that time that I noticed changes in my body - to make it short here (you can see my other blog @ www.secondbattle.blogspot.com) if you want to follow that sag) I had developed colon cancer.
DATELINE JANUARY 20211 - an excerpt from my graphic novel ['Chemo-Radiation Man'] -- kinds of puts in perspective where my head was at the time;
"Once inside the room, the doctor spoke. "Reg, please have a seat."
After they had both settled, Reg in the patient chair. Warfel on the squeaky exam stool. The doctor opened the chart.
Silently he flipped several pages.
Reg, could tell this man never played poker, he could read his face before he spoke.
"The tests show conclusively that you have colon cancer. Stage II." the doctor, looked at Reg, did what he was trained to do - wait for a moment for the patient to absorb the news. He noticed Reg struggling to breathe normally.
"What?...What?... You said.... Cancer?" Reg stood, he wanted to pace, to catch his breath, to regain his composure, but there was simply no space for it in the small exam room.
The doctor went on, "Yes. Stage II colon cancer. You will need surgery, chemotherapy and radiation." more pages flipped, the doctor again trying to let the news sink in.
"We should schedule surgery and put together a plan....." the doctor couldn't finish his sentence because he saw Reg, slump against the wall and slide down to the floor, having trouble breathing.
The last thing Reg heard was, "Chemotherapy and Radiation" then his world went dark, he felt himself trying to hold himself up, but his legs gave out, then darkness.
The charcter Reg, is (Mostly based on my experiences) finds it a growing difficult balancing his hob, his life and his health.
Returning to my current situation, back in March 'I' was the one asking to "see my boss in HIS office" - kind of a turn around.
It was time to tell them that, despite having ben there only 5 months I was going to require 3 - 4 months off of work to deal with surgery, recovery and treatment. To be perfectly honest, I was fully expecting them to say, "Well, then, Mr. Lightfoot. Thanks for your services, turn in you uniform, id's tools, and badge. We hope things go well and good by...." Well, I could not have been more surprised and relieved (especially in this economy) when he said, "Wow, that will be a tough one. We want you to get healthy so you can go back to works soon." I was now confused -- not at all what I expected. Then, he followed up with, "Well, [tap-tap on his keyboard - I was STILL thinking he was looking at ways to get rid of me!] I see hear, you only have 1 vacation day built up, and unfortunately we cannot PAY you while you are off, but your JOB will be here when you can return to work. Good luck and keep us posted on your conditioned.
I walked out of this bosses office with a deferent type of confusion than when I walked out the doors to TSA. I was relived that I had a place to come back to when I was ready.
* NOTE: As an editorial note...and a critical point to those who may not have read my other posts, I MUST at this point mention the overly generous and outstanding support that my family and I received both during my 10 months of job hunting, then followed by another 6 months of support while I had surgery, radiation and now chemo. It is in no small measure that due to the continual love support (and occassional -ass kicking) that I am even here writing this, when it would have been so easy to go 'Kurt Cobain' on myself, or Jim Morrison (glad I can't afford whiskey and pills). I just had to remind people that whether your situation is losing a job, or dealing with a major illness, or losing a spouse or a business, it IS fucking difficult to stand back up, but as corny as it sounds if you let those closest to you know what is going on, and (here is the kicker) YOU must be WILLING to LET GO and LET THEM HELP YOU !!! For me this has always been the hardest part. I am learning.
DATELINE: SPRING 2011 - March 4th was the day the Surgeons in Cleveland Clinic opened me up, pluck out my cancerous colon, rectum...and uhhh anus, and sealed up the old 'Poop-Chute', 'Fart-Factory', 'Prairie Dog-hole',etc, etc,...TRUST ME I have heard them all by now. My stay in Cleveland last about 10 days more than I expected (but just as long as the doctors told me it was. ) I will sum up my time in Cleveland by saying it is not something i want to do again, and I was glad I was home again.
Once I got home and began recovery I ventured back into my office, just a quick hello (with my stupid wound-vac gurrgling like some kind of demented coffee pot or ephasemic wheasle on my hip) I told them I would be reqady to go soon... You don't know how reassuring it was to hear the words, "Your job is here. Just bring in a doctors clearance form and you can get back to wokr." I tried skipping out the door like the dude in the 'Saftey Dance' (google them if you're under 30) -- that was a mistake...many, many parts of my abdominal anatomy screamed at me, 'Jeezus you IDIOT!!! You want to go back to the hospital?'
DATELINE: MAY 2011 - April and May were spent doing three things, Radiation treatments (2 x per day), would vac, dressing and undressing, walking the neighborhood getting my strength back and most importantly for my JOB I was studying the 300 page manual on Fire Alarm Systems so I could get certified when I went back to work. I WAS NOT about to lose THIS job because I was not properly certified!!!! So, by the end of the month I had rid myself of the would vac (I was CERTAIN it would be permanent), I had passed my TEST!!!!! YEAH!!! ON the FIRST TRY - SO THERE - 'She-who-shall-not-be-named'!!!!! Ad I returned to work as part of the Fire Testing Division and off I went into the heat of the summer, learning another aspect of our company's business.
The summer went by, swimming in sweat - not a pool - spraying fake smoke, canned air, pushing reset buttons and setting off alarms...all in all, a lot of walking and considerable paperwork but not too bad -- compared other hobs I have had - like Digital Dish!
DATELINE: FALL 2011 - With fall, comes school, companies scaling back production, or if they are lucky cranking things up for the holiday sales season, and I have discovered that our business is almost as seasonal as farming. Our testing jobs depend on facility schedules; we can test schools (some that aren't doing massive refits) we can test factories and warehouses (same things apply), and a host of other clients during the summer. Then once people turn their calendars to August, the axe seems to fall on testing projects. I found my self with one, two or even no jobs to do -- mowing the grass, spraying weed killer, trimming shrubs. I appreciated the companty trying to get me my 40 ours, but that kind of work is for the teen agers who don't know much a bout 'man-work' NOT for us 'older guys' with arthritis in the knees and undergoing cancer treatment.
After about a month of this I noticed that my training partner had mostly full days all the time (seniority & his Michigan Testing license help him out, I guess) and I even overheard our boss telling our scheduler, "You gotta keep Wilbur's (not his real name) schedule full first before Lightfoots." He has been there for like 12 years, so I get that. So, I started keeping an eye on the master schedule (we schedule jobs 3-4 week in advance) and noticed HUGE gaps on MY calendar for late October and early November....Plus I heard rumors that guys in our other divisions were being sent home early too - which made me feel a bit better, because I was wondering if all my Med bills had the Insurance company pushing them to get rid of me (????).
DATELINE: OCTOBER 24th 2011 - It was a sunny Monday morning, the smell of the overnight rain and the gas fumes of early morning works going to work or to home. We all left the house, dropped Malcom at school then Cheryl did the cross town triffic drive, and dropped me off as usual.
I go into the office, make coffee...being the first one there I get to make the coffee the way it is SUPPOSED to be made. I hangup my coat check my calender--- EXCITING!!!! I have 4 jobs Today, Two on Tuesday, and Three on Wednesday and One on Thursday.. I have ChemoDay on Friday....so I am thinking.... "Thank GOD I have real, acutal WORK this week!!! "Makin' money boyeeeee!" SO, I go out and get my job files for the day, check them over make sure I know what I need to do for the day and as I am ready to go, I have my files, lunchbox, tool kit, company hat and coat... keys...phone...Ready to rock and roll for the day, when my boss --- from across the room no less, says,"Lightfoot, Can I see you in my office." -- I hear that from ANYONE and I get the same pee-fear thaqt I did when I was little and was going to get helled. So, go to my desk deposit all my stuff and return to his office, I am invited to sit down - not offered coffee...maybe this is just a quick thing about a cllent or something? - And then come the "SIGH", followed by the "EXECUTIVE-LEAN-BACK" in the leather chair, followed by the "PAUSE" where he looks you in the eye, like a Black Haired Sauruman. He delivers the news...."Scott, this is the hardest part of my job. The part I hate the most." Pause for drama...and for me to further wet my pants. "We simly don't have enough business to support two technicians in our Fire Testing Department...." Pause while I think he expects to see tears rolling down my face (trust me they are there...but NOT for him).
So in the ensuing 10 minutes or so, we discuss things: No, they are not upsets with my performance, infact they thing I am doing a GREAT job, No, they cannot shift me back to the commercial division because they already have enough people, the same for the residential division....just simply not enough work to keep me around. I ask a bout a possible pay cut, NO. I ask about going part time, NO...So, no luck, other than a firm hand shake and the knowledge that when business does pick up (2 days? 2 weeks.? 2 years?) they do have qood rep for hiring back past employes...So who knows.
There it is, unemployed again. It took me about an hour to clear my van and desk area of my tools and clohtes and knick-nacks from my desk - they were just getting the dustring of employment longevity around them too - I packed up my stuff in Cheryl's car, tried to text her with the news...she didn't answer so I sat there in the parking lot, crying like a baby, wondering, once again, how long it will take me to find my next job.
Two pieces of advice to all of you STILL working.... 1) Keep your resume updated, keep your contacts fresh and 2) EXPECT that you will be invited to "Come in to the office..." for the 'chat' BE PREPARED...
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