Phase 29: "A day that will live in infamy..." (for me)

You would think that 'time-heals-all', 'this-too-shall-pass' and 'water-under-the-bridge' are all things that would easily describe the year that has passed since I was fired from my position as a Technology Director. You would think.

In some ways it has, in all too many it hasn't. Reflecting on the past year has taught me many things - about myself as an employee, as a member of a family, as a member of a community of friends and as an individual. Some things have been very painful, some very liberating, some reassuring and some daunting.

I would like to be able to tell a phenomenal Hollywood-esque story of a rise from the ashes to a new position from which I could look back and say, 'Ah, well... in the end it hasn't been THAT bad.' But do do that would be to create a work of fiction - maybe a good one, but I have striven to keep this blog as 'real' as possible. Instead this past year would be more like a Lifetime-esque story of a beautiful relationship gone horribly wrong, of a union of spirits that were ripped apart by powers that they could not control - that would be more like it.

PROLOGUE: A man, having fallen out of a relationship, wanders the mean streets seeking his next great love. He struggles, anguishes and hopes for a new star to shine. Eventually he finds one, after seemingly pushed to the edge of despair. Finally, after early giving up he meets up with a new, love that makes him forget the former one.

ACT 1: Starstruck
As in any new relationship, that heady feeling of finding the perfect fit fills every waking moment, and every sleeping dream. New experiences every day. New adventures. New ways in which to explore the growing love between them. The act ends with a hand-holding walk into a seemingly brilliant sunset, with hearts swirling above their heads.

ACT 2: Growing Together
O.K. with the new love growing between them the employee and the job grow, expanding, discovering and at times struggling with each other. Always though the love between the worker and the work keeps overcoming any anxiety between them... There is nothing that seems insurmountable. Like any relationship the love ebbs and flows, yet in the end, all seems well. The act ends with the couple comfortably together, recognized by friends and colleagues as a 'good-fit'.

ACT 3: Contentment Breeds Impending Doom
The relationship has progressed to a level where both are comfortable in the day to day activities that define them in their new roles. All seems well. The employee knows his role, the employer seemingly lets the employee continue to grow. With repetition comes strength, but also with repetition comes encroaching blindness. The vigilance an employee needs to keep sharp at his job begins to dull as things seem to be cruising along with few issues. However, like a romantic relationship,  if attention is not paid to grow and nurture it, the potential for disaster begins to arise. Here is where I went wrong. I forgot to stay sharp. I forgot to keep my skills fresh. I forgot to watch for those who would seek to push a wedge between employee and job. I neglected to notice the oncoming storm. Whether or not I could have avoided it is not clear, but I could have been much better prepared for the onslaught that was to come.

ACT 4: The Axe Falls
One day, the story goes, I go to work, everything seems fine. The 'love' and the 'relationship' seemingly intact, cruising along nicely. There seems to be nothing that could separate me from my love. Then, like some perverted soap-opera, I walk into a situation where, despite it all, I get the proverbial 'kick-in-the-the-crotch' (see the very first post in this blog).

EPILOGUE: Thus ends the first part of the story. How I got to the  year that was and how I have been trying to move along. But, in the end, as silly as it sounds, the rending apart of my relationship with my previous job is still a very painful wound. I still long for the connection. I still hold on to every small indication that somehow the relationship can be rekindled. Despite the pain of the break-up, despite the attempts at growth and healing, I still feel that, given the proverbial 'second-chance' I could fix what was wrong and revive the relationship that I was forced out of. So, who knows. Maybe it will take another year, more reflection and better efforts to get another chance. Then too, like many real relationships, I am pining for things that can never be, and I should really just move on... Stay tuned.